Secret Filth
I have realised, to my utter disgust may I add, that it has been far too long before I have written a blog about food. I feel that I have betrayed my inner being, my soul, my everything – which is precisely why I am writing this now. To be honest, the ‘moral highground’ has well and truly hit Agent HQ and has had a profound effect on the eating habits of its inhabitants…and quite clearly, my blogging style.
Since Paul’s ‘detox/moral highground/gymbunny/healthy gruel’ phase, which began in January, the presence of filth in the office has gone so far down that it is practically non-existent these days. Coming from a time when filth was not only loved but openly enjoyed together as a team, you are now much more likely to see us tucking into a healthy homemade salad or sandwich…although Tom’s mum does throw the odd Blue Ribbond into the mix. Obviously, we still love the filth, but now the filth has gone underground.
A secret sub-culture of sneaky filth eaters has emerged as a result of the crackdown on Agent’s eating habits. In the past, usually around half ten in the morning, discussions of rumbling tummies and PIG would result in a roundup of filth orders and a trip down to some hole in the wall that could provide for our every dirty sandwich desire. These days, usually at around half ten in the morning, they’ll be calls for black tea by Tom (bloody hippy) and pieces of fruit will be rustled out of bags. PIECES OF FRUIT. Oh, how far we have strayed from the path of righteousness.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the filth is still being consumed – it is the method in which it is consumed that has changed dramatically. Adam has been known to sneak out the back door, dash to Maccies and scoff three cheeseburgers before returning to the office as if nothing has happened. Paul, yes Paul, has been know (I have witnessed this first hand…and ok, I did partake myself) to shove not one, but two sausage rolls down his clacker on the way to a meeting. Jayne and Wayne have been know, quite frequently may I add, to pick up a dirty Maccies breakfast on the way into work and quickly get it down them before anyone else arrives. Secret filth. I’m telling yer now, it’s the new black at Agent HQ.
To rectify this shameful situation I am proposing a ‘Filthy and Proud’* day next Thursday 5th August where the team at Agent HQ, the people of Liverpool – and hey, the WORLD, can have their greasy bacon butty and eat it too! Where we people, free and proud, can stand up and say, ‘I’ll have an extra sausage with that, and don’t skimp on the cheese’.
Come on you lot, do this for yourselves, your children and your communities. Be ‘Filthy and Proud’!
* Effect of filth consumption will be photographically documented on the day and presented to you all for your viewing pleasure.
29/07
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