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It'll never work...

Like many people out there, I have a smart phone. It is supposed to be able to connect to the internet in a speedy and timely fashion, get my e-mails and do a whole variety of weird and wonderful things, as well as make calls and send texts. Mine is a little different in that it does all of this as and when it can be bothered. I’m not going to name names but it rhymes with Crapberry and it gives me a massive mal a la tète!
There is one little glimmer of light in this murky world of technological incompetence in the form of my favourite app: TIME Magazine.
The content they publish is brilliant. From hard hitting news stories to famous, fabulous and far from politically correct quotes; it shows that there is some intelligent, well balanced and well written copy coming out of the U, S of A. The highlight of which this week has been the 50 most useless inventions ever created. I’m not going to critique each one as I’ve provided the link for you to have a look at your leisure. What I am going to do is throw the spotlight on some that really caught my eye.
1)                   The Segway – as if America, nay the World didn’t have a big enough problem with a giant number of fatty bum bums, it seems walking has become too tiresome a task. Although the devise was very very clever using giros and software and things beyond my comprehension, do we really need something to replace what has been working perfectly well for the past gagillion years?
2)                   Clippy – this… this… I’m too livid to think of a comment about Clippy that doesn’t involve some expletive! Hateful so-called helpful tool!
3)                   Cue Cat – this little gem of a device scans barcodes and connects you to the website which corresponds with said barcode. So what’s wrong with typing in the URL? Why complicate internet browsing by having to scan through a booklet of codes? Didn’t anyone look at the old hand held gaaaaaaaames console, the Barcode Battler to realise this was never going to work? At the price both these things sold for they ended up being little more than an over priced paper weight of plastic and wires.
4)                   Phone fingers – oh now you’re being ridiculous! Finger prints wipe away, we don’t need a condom on our fingers to use a touch screen phone!
5)                   Tamagotchi – I think what I’m most annoyed about this little creature is that when these pocket sized, needy, ungrateful little devices were all the rage, I had one. I think I could have lost a good couple of months, addicted to ensuring Our Tammy was going to make it through the day. Why target these at children if you know they will get hooked and lose out on valuable education to not only better themselves but the rest of mankind? Ethics anyone?
I think the moral of this story is that in this weird and wonderful world we live in, we are always going to have people who come up with an idea and think it’s going to change the world. Look at Dragons Den for 10 minutes and it proves this perfectly. The only difference being, the examples on the TIME Magazine list have had millions of pounds thrown at them to try and get them to market. I can hear the board room discussions now asking what on earth happened… well why try a novel but very simple approach to your marketing and base your decisions on evidence and not assumptions. Something I would love to say to the makers of my rubbish phone before they start using vital natural resources to bring the next generation of useless technology.

09/06

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